Gmail Emergency Dept responds slowly

I know that other support departments at Google can be a bit slow (why can't thye get some staff to work weekends?), but this takes the cake:

...an anonymous Gmail user who was "trying to contact Gmail regarding fraud" only to get bogged down in a "nightmare of switch boards and receptionists unwilling to help".

In the process, however, he stumbled across "Google's fantastic automated messages at +1 650 253 3422". In the "requiring access to a Gmail account that is not yours" bit, he was informed: "If it is an emergency and you require the intervention of law enforcement, including bomb threats and suicide attempts, you simply have to report through the normal security form with the words 'URGENT' in it."

And the response to such a vital missive? As our correspondent puts it: "Well it's now the next day after my urgent request went through...I'm sure several buildings have been blown up by suicidally depressed people in the meantime..."

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